


try

by renard_rouge



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Jealousy, M/M, Polyamorous Character, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renard_rouge/pseuds/renard_rouge
Summary: shayne tr̶i̶e̶d̶ tries.
Relationships: Damien Haas/Courtney Miller, One-sided Courtney Miller/Shayne Topp, One-sided Damien Haas/Shayne Topp
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	try

you try not to notice.

you try not to notice how both of your best friends seem to have fun without you; seeming as if they have their own little world, forgetting you were there in the first place. it's not like they intended to make you feel left out, they'd stop sometimes to remember that you were still there as it was supposedly a hangout between three best friends (at least they were considerate).

but there's this odd, sickly feeling that there was something going on. something hidden. something that they haven't told you yet. and it hurts, but it shouldn't hurt because it's just a lingering suspicion...you're just probably overthinking.

yep- overthinking. they wouldn't go hide something big behind your back. they were your best friends for...how many years now? courtney close to five, and damien close to ten.

yeah, they wouldn't.

"hey, shayne?" courtney said, grabbing your attention with her soft voice that would never fail to make your heartbeat faster.

"yeah, what's up?"

"you've been zoning out for a little while...anything wrong?" of course she'd notice, she was the most observant out of all the three of you. the most understanding as well, and it just made your heart swell at her concern – though it stings as well to think that you made that worry etched on her face.

"ah, nothing- just random thoughts." 

"you sure, buddy?" damien persisted with his low rumbling voice that always make you have shivers up on your spine, but of course you wouldn't make it obvious.

"yep, i guess work was too much earlier," it wasn't entirely wrong either, you'd been having dull headaches for awhile from thinking too much for sketch ideas, though it still made you feel guilty that you lied.

"alright." and by that you turn your head on the comedy movie you all three were watching...

...and you try not to notice the fond looks your best friends give each other at the corner of your eye.

_~~at least you tried.~~ _

* * *

you try not to be jealous.

you try not to be jealous when both of your best friends announced the next day that they were dating. you try not to let the hurt show in your face by masking it with a bright smile at the new couple. you try not to wince at the claps around you or the cheers of everyone in the office. it was just too loud, nothing else. 

their faces were so full of glee, so happy because of the general acceptance of the whole smosh family. of course, you were happy for them as well, they were your best friends after all. ~~then why did you feel so numb?~~

you excused yourself, uttering a quick request to go to the bathroom.

two pair of eyes filled with concern seemed to glance towards your way but you pretended not to notice.

you just needed to freshen up, is all. it's not because your heart was pounding too harshly against your chest, you just needed to take a breather. it's not because some tears slip out of your eyes, you were just too happy for them. it's not because your heart was practically breaking that you don't have a chance, you were just probably tired.

and because of that, you went out of the bathroom. practically running to your car so that no one could notice that you were gone.

as soon as you got in, you fumbled your hands to reach to your pocket for your phone, opening it up and quickly got to your contacts, shooting a text to ian that you were sick.

then you drove, drove as fast as you could as you blink away the blurriness of your eyes (how are you crying so much?); relief washes over you as you saw your apartment, making you hit the brakes as you quickly got out of your car and locking it, you headed towards your apartment.

as fast as you opened and slammed the door, you felt your knees buckle and crumble against the floor; hot streaks of tears coming down on your face.

this was childish, you should've not run off like that- you should've been happy for your best friends and you _really are..._ but the ache on your chest says otherwise. 

_why couldn't you just be happy for your best friends?_

though, you couldn't blame them, because you know the same feeling that your best friends' share far too well.

you couldn't blame courtney for loving the brunet who you so dearly loved after all these years of friendship both of you shared. the way how he'd come up with a quip and how he'd never failed to make you laugh. the way how his eyes shimmer in excitement if he had a new recommendation of anime for you because of how much of a nerd he is. the way how he'd be so apologetic in such trivial things he did that you already forgot. the way how his voice has a rumble that makes you shiver, or when he sings so sweetly and how he hits all the high notes...

...oh, but you couldn't also blame damien for loving the blonde who was so endearingly insane that caught your attention ever since the audition. the way how she'd turn everything so bright in a matter of seconds. the way how she'd be so awfully bad at jokes that you just couldn't help but laugh. the way how someone could have such beautiful green eyes, and to how they became so focused with passion whenever she'd play her instruments or how she'd work with an idea she was proud of. the way how her voice is so sweet and soft that sounds like a lullaby, especially to how soft she'd sing...

blaming them for having found love within each other would make you a big hypocrite, seeing as you already harbor the same love for them.

 _difference is, is that yours is unrequited_.

you let out a shaky sigh, wiping residual tears on your face as it seemed like your tear ducts has been dried out. you shakily stood up, going to the kitchen for a glass of water as you didn't want to be dehydrated from all the crying. 

as you gulp down on the water, it gives some form of comfort as it relieves your throat, finishing with a sigh of relief.

you decided to just sleep in for the day, ignoring the buzzing on your pocket.

as you changed your casual clothes to pajamas, discarding your phone at the top of your drawer (ignoring that damien is calling you), and you finally slipped under the covers of your bed. after a few moments, you seem to doze off, though, even with the covers, your bed seems to be a tad bit cold.

as you close your eyes, the thought of your best friends' announcement comes back, giving a slight bitter taste on your mouth.

~~_again, at_ _least_ _you trie_ _d._~~

* * *

you try not to love them as much as you did.

you try not to love them as much as you did when courtney practically tackled you into the ground the moment you opened the door into the smosh squad's main office (with damien darting forward as to check if both of you were okay). you try not to laugh at courtney's exaggerated behavior and damien's string of 'sorry's because he couldn't catch you both in time, despite that you burst out laughing anyways as they joined in as well. 

as you and courtney stand up, the newfound couple were already spouting questions at you like a machine gun.

"woah, woah, woah- one question at a time guys!" you chuckled at their behavior, but you couldn't deny that it made your heart melt to how much they cared about you.

they both looked at each other and seemed to have laughed along as well at their behavior, though it soon stopped as courtney turned to face you with brows furrowed in worry, "what happened yesterday? you didn't answer your calls..."

"yeah, i'm sorry about that, i wasn't feeling great yesterday...food poisoning i think," you bit the inside of your cheek, you always did hated lying to them.

and if they noticed that you did, they didn't bring it up (thank god they didn't, you were known for your inability to lie after all).

"well, hope you're feeling better now," damien beamed, making your insides flip.

"and because of that, let's have breakfast – the three of us!" courtney exclaimed as she grabbed your hand with damien's, leaving you both with no choice but to follow the youngest one out of the three of you. you were sure that your cheeks were bright red, but thankfully everything was fast-paced that neither of them noticed.

you turned your head around to see the brunet's expression, only to find his eyes filled with fondness that clearly only held for the blonde in front of them. you whipped your head towards at the front, of course he couldn't compete. but again, you'd be hypocritical wouldn't you?

for the third time you tried and failed, but you learned to realize that repressing these emotions, would just make it worse.

so instead, when the three of you somehow were already at the diner (damn, how did you already get here...you were really zoning off, huh?) – both of them once again concerned with your behavior, you dismissing them again, them giving up and instead both just asked for your order – now, your gaze was on them, with courtney hugging damien's arm as an act of pda; and by that you smiled.

you smiled because you support their relationship. you smiled even if the dull ache on your chest was back. you smiled even if it was fake. 

after all, you were their best friend. 

~~_you frowned at the thought._ ~~


End file.
